I WISH I HAD THE WHEREWITHAL TO BUY A CAR: “An innocent bystander trying to catch a train home was shot and killed yesterday after a cursing match at a Brooklyn subway station ended in gunfire, police said.”

A few days ago, I was on the downtown number 2 train. An eerie-looking man -- looked like he had just been released from a psych facility -- boarded the train on 96th Street. His clothes were filthy and torn; they emitted a stomach-turning smell that forced me to cover my nose. Anyway, he sat across from me, beside a middle-aged woman. He looked at the woman and began uttering nasty things to her for no apparent reason – bitch, whore, etc. She ignored him. He then pulled out pretty big scissors from the inside of his jacket and said, “I should kill you right here.” I couldn’t believe it. I was flabbergasted. Terrified. Then he started waving the scissors very close to her face. My heart was beating the shit out of my chest. No one on the train said a word. A few seconds later, the train stopped on 72nd street. I fled.